I like someone…

If you’ve got a crush on someone you probably think about them a lot, imagine yourself being with them and picture your future with them, without actually being in a relationship with them.

You might have a crush on:

  • Someone you’ve never met, like a celebrity
  • Someone older, like a teacher or parent of a friend
  • A person who’s already in a relationship, perhaps with one of your friends
  • One of your own friends.

When to reveal a crush

You might have daydreamed about kissing them for months and imagined having their surname, what your wedding day will be like, what you’ll call your kids… However, you might feel too shy to reveal your true feelings to the person you have a crush on, because you’re worried about how they might react.

If your crush isn’t on someone inappropriate; if it’s someone young, free and single and who wouldn’t get into trouble if you started a relationship with them, then there’s nothing to say you shouldn’t let them know how you feel.

At the same time, try not to pin all your hopes on getting a date with them, in case they don’t feel the same way about you. If you do get a date with them, remember they are a normal human being with as many faults and problems as anyone else, so you shouldn’t think that they are perfect and a better person than you.

If you end up in a relationship with the person you have a crush on, it’s dangerous to keep them on a pedestal. It can mean you end up letting them get away with treating you badly because you think that they’re too good for you.

A relationship should be equal. They should think you’re as great as you think they are, and they should want to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

When not to reveal a crush

If your crush is on someone you’re unlikely to ever meet, someone who’s in a relationship or someone who it would be inappropriate to have a relationship with, for example a teacher or friend’s parent, then it’s best to try and move on.

Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. Having crushes is a normal part of being a human being, especially when you’re growing up. It might be hard to see this right now, but feelings that seem so overwhelming nearly always fade with time.

It’s important to remember that the reason your crush feels so intense is that you’re basing your emotions on a fantasy – an idealised version of how a relationship with this person ‘could’ be, in a perfect world.

In the real world, a relationship with the person you have a crush on probably wouldn’t be as amazing as your fantasy version. You might have heard people say you should never meet your idols, because they’ll shatter your illusions when they don’t live up to your elevated expectations of them – it’s not too different with crushes.

If your crush is in a relationship, don’t be the person who tries to break it up. You don’t know how close the couple are and what they’ve shared together. You could end up making your crush resent you if you try to interfere.

If you think the person you have a crush on is in a bad relationship then perhaps they will split up in the future, but that decision has to come from them, not you. Don’t put your life and emotions on hold, hoping that your crush will be single one day. Even if they are, there’s no guarantee you’ll then get together.

How to move on from a crush

Although it might seem very hard, try and move on by enjoying all the things in your life that you enjoyed before you had a crush. Have fun with your friends, go out and meet other people.

In time, your feelings won’t seem so overwhelming. And, whilst you’re getting on with enjoying life, you might end up meeting someone who really likes you and who you can have a real, fulfilling and lasting relationship with. Remember, you deserve someone who really wants to be with you.

Who can help?

For more help and advice on dealing with crushes, check out BBC The Surgery – Crushes and unrequited love and TheSite.org – Coping with a crush.

For advice on relationships, health and more you could also check out www.teensay.co.uk/life/.

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